Video games, let’s do this

I don’t really play video games. To me, solving hard problems with code is about as interesting as it gets – Call of Duty, by comparison, can’t hold my attention. But making video games? All that is is solving hard problems every day… right?

There’s about ten million teenage boys who are desperate to get into the industry ahead of me, so it’s a pretty long shot, but here are my video game ideas. If you want to hit me up and get rich together on one of em, you know where to find me.

1. Drawing is hard. How about Draw Something! with drag and drop elements?

2. Oregon Trail…. on the moon!

3. Pioneer colony… on the moon! Alternate between first person hydroponic gardening, air duct repairing, moon buggy drifting, whatever, and long term moon-civilizing strategy.

4. Grocery Rush – I used to play Pizza Rush back in grade 7. It wasn’t anything much – you just drove your little car around delivering pizzas. The graphics were basically MS Paint calibre. Whatever. It was better than math class. Grocery Rush is like that but you have to run around filling your grocery cart with nutritious, thrifty choices. OMG, so educational. Maybe add zombies for pizazz? Nah, screw that. It’s a good idea on its own.

5. Bike polo! It’s hockey on bikes! A game is fun not just for the abilities it gives to players, but also the constraints it places upon them. In bike polo, you can only move forward, you have a large turning radius, if you go too slow you’ll tip over, and there is a sharp trade-off between top speed and acceleration.

Madden Hockey is a thing, so it’ll be like that. If you want to level up, you can trade points for foot retention (ability to hop sideways, higher speed), fixie mode (ability to move backward, better low speed balance) or a lighter mallet (more accurate hitting).

Ideas are cheap, execution is expensive. I’ll be over here coding.


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Ideas, mostly bad.

1. Sunglasses subscription service. $10 for a new pair every week til you find the pair you like, then you just keep them.

You can't buy cool, but you can buy sunglasses.
You can’t buy cool, but you can buy sunglasses.

2. Urban camo – tents and sleeping bags, cheap, lightweight, intended to blend in with urban scenery, good for street people and backpackers on the cheap.

3. Two speed derailleur – one gear ring for polo/tricks/hills, one for commuting. You have to switch by hand, but it’s super solid and never needs cable adjusting. Use a BMX drive train with tiny rings for best results. 9x28t and 16x28t.

4. Heat seeking electrocuting mouse murder bot. I don’t think this really needs any explanation.

5. A better alarm clock – it gives you a nice kiss on the cheek, instead of making a lot of noise.

6. A tree mount for vices. No table ever seems to be strong enough.

7. Public nap rooms. $5 for an hour on a flat, padded surface, with friendly attendants to watch your stuff and wake you up on time, maybe with a warm cookie or tea.

8. A classifieds web site for remote areas, with a delivery service. No one ever uses Craigslist in Campbell River because the market isn’t big enough to bother. But how about CR + Powell River + Chemainus + Parksville + all those little towns that I can never remember the name of? And a dedicated truck driver in a very small, fuel efficient Honda Acty to run between them?

9. Lobby the government to change tariff/import/tax rules for only, specifically, the port of Sidney, to make it super cheap to import stuff through there. Become merchant overlord of the Saanich Peninsula.

10. Ok, these ideas are starting to get silly. Back to work.

llamaPS. Still looking for a job. $20/h, C, Python or Java programming, or help desk. Hit me up. <3

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